When I’m feeling well, I don’t ever think of my illness. It is something that exists back in my mind, a second thought. Ordinary drama fills my everyday thoughts. I create without boundaries, I love without worry, I live.
But when my body feels like it has betrayed me, like it is Judas giving me his last kiss. My illness is the only thing I think about. It is what comes out of my mouth each time I am asked a simple question, “How are you doing? How was your weekend?” It is as if I have spilled a can of worms upon someone’s lunch plate when they were just trying to make small talk. Well next time “Diana” don’t ask me such a loaded question.
Part of me missed it when I was closed mouth about what I went through with my health. I don’t think people know how to deal with me. I feel this guilt all the time because I either feel like I shared too much with someone or I seemed too distant and a little bitchy. There isn’t much of an in between.
What are your thoughts? Do you share about your experiences with illness or mental health with family and friends? Or are you more reserved about what you go through?
Amelia Blackwater 